i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
