Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
