Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This toilet bowl is my home.
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