I can feel you judging me through the phone.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
