If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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