It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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