What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
