yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I smell like Dick and happiness
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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