does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
