What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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