I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
