We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
