just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
