mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
