I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
