ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
