My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
