The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
