Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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