Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
