so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
