If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
