So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
