I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
