the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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