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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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