and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
