But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
