do herpes really smell.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
