Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
