im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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