Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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