It's Friday. Sex?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
