Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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