He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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