yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
