I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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