his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
