We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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