just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
