I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
