did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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