Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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