I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
