Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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