Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
