This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
