I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
