THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
