oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
