Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
