problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
